Dimboola by Jack Hibberd at Woden Tradesmen's Union Club. Thursdays only. Tempo Theatre directed by Myles Leon.
Laid-ees an gennul-men. I'd like t' begin, first up - an' up's always better th'n down, except in relation to drink, when down's definitely better th'n up - it won't be easy, an' it won't be 'ard, so I 'ope yer all enjoyin' yerselfs, 'cos I'm 'aving a good time ternight.
Excuse me.
'Allo, 'oo are you, eh? You'se look like an interlecshul.
Yes, well I write for the local newspaper, you see.
Toffy nosed bastard, eh?
Well I do find it hard to believe that ordinary Australians could behave in such a manner at a wedding reception for their own sons and daughters. There seems to be no moral dignity on what should be an occasion for genuine celebration of future joy, family values and the unity of marriage.
Er, what wus that? 'Oo 've you been talkin' to - that Pauline Hanson? You 'aving a go at us, or something. Listen, mate - and I calls yer a mate advisedly - if you can't get up on the floor 'ere and partake in a bit of line dancin', or join the Canadian three-step (just ignore these stupid drunken bastards), then you don't belong 'ere, see?
Well, yes, I suppose I do. Maybe I should leave now.
Aarr, no, mate, stay about for a bit. Yer see, the priest's gotta give 'is speech yet (though you've gotta watch Father Pat or 'e'll be looking up yer skirt, or worse if yer a boy). And Donna's gonna sing Ave Maria again at the end, and yer can't miss that. An' you've gotta sing "Fer they yar jolly good fellows" an' "More beer, more beer" (that's meant ter be "Auld Lang Syne" o'course, but you won't get any o' this mob ter sing the right words!)
So I stayed about, and I would like to thank the ladies who did the decorations and everyone else from Tempo Theatre for putting on a bright and lively show, and the Tradies for the wine, an' fin'lly I'sh like to shay Thursday's a great nigh' s'long as yer don't have ter work on Friday! No worries, mate.
© Frank McKone, Canberra
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